Punishing for Pleasure Page 5

  Meri felt her heart clench when she thought about her parents. God she missed them even though they’d only been gone a few weeks, but on days like today it seemed like forever. Taking a deep breath to push back the tears she felt starting to fill her eyes, Meri tried to focus on how much the two people she loved the most deserved this time of freedom. This past year they had actually been gone on so many “adventures” as her mom called them, that Meri was finally—reluctantly, very reluctantly—starting to adjust to being alone in the enormous home they all shared. Granted she had lived in the mansion’s west wing since she’d been sixteen. Her mom had called it “Autonomy Training”. Meri smiled as she thought back on all the different parenting strategies her mom had tried. Through it all, her dad had just smiled and continued to listen and guide with a steadfast consistency that had given Meri the foundation to become the woman she was now. Her mom had given her imagination and wings, she’d opened her daughter’s mind to trying new things, but her dad was the one who had always been rock solid.

  Glancing to the side, Meri saw Ash watching her, studying her as if he’d be able to figure out what she was thinking if he just looked closely enough. And for just a sliver of a moment she wondered if it might be right. She’d never been good at deceit, and even though she had known Dex and Ash weren’t aware of who she was, it hadn’t been a problem because their confusion hadn’t been due to any deception on her part. They had made a number of wrong assumptions without bothering to find out more about her. And if she had to guess, she’d put her money on the fact they were actually more angry at themselves, but it was just easier to take their frustrations out on her. She had no intention of letting them off that easy. They were making a big mistake letting her have so much time to stew over this…yes indeed, a very big mistake. The longer she thought about it the more downhill her attitude was sliding. You want my respect outside of the club, asshats? Earn it.

  *****

  Dex might have been driving but that didn’t mean he was oblivious to the anger beginning to radiate off the woman sitting close enough he could feel the warmth of her sweet body. He knew Ash’s arm had to be throbbing like a bitch, but dammit, the man had been a SEAL, so a little bit of pain was no reason to act like a jerk. And despite his attempts to disguise it, Dex had seen Ash’s eyes practically turn green with jealousy when Meri had mentioned calling Kent about the club. Personally he was thanking God above she’d made that call, otherwise they might have never met her, and despite their rough start, Dex really did enjoy her company. They hadn’t spent a lot of time together in social situations, but those few times had given him a glimpse of the woman aside from the sub they loved playing with at Prairie Winds. And what he’d seen today had upped the stakes of his interest exponentially.

  Time for some damage control. “Tell us about the new hospital wing, Meri. We aren’t far from our destination, but it sounds like a really ambitious undertaking and I’m interested in hearing about it.” Dex was headed to a small overlook a few miles from the club. He’d decided a neutral setting was best and since this spot was on private property, they would all be able to speak openly without worrying about being overheard. He was glad to see some of the tension drain away as she started telling them about the vision she and her parents shared for community improvement. She said her dad’s entire career had been spent managing the family’s charitable foundation. She’d followed in his footsteps, getting her MBA from Harvard and then starting in an entry-level position.

  By the time they’d parked the truck under one of the sprawling oak trees, Meri and Ash seemed to have calmed down and Dex was surprised at the relief he felt about that. There had been a small part of him that had worried Ash was going to blow their chances with her, and this was the first time it had ever mattered. It wasn’t that Dex wasn’t frustrated, but since he’d had a chance to step back a bit, he’d been able to see he was actually far more frustrated with himself than he was with her. That didn’t mean she hadn’t earned a punishment round or two, but they’d have to be careful because the woman was a borderline masochist and most traditional punishments were actually rewards for her.

  “Where are we?” The sun just getting ready to settle behind the horizon and the first stars were beginning to sparkle in the violet sky. It would be dark soon and he understood her trepidation. She’d basically been kidnapped by two men she knew were angry with her and taken to a hillside overlooking the river, and they’d taken her phone away from her. Dex would have been more upset if she hadn’t asked, because even though they’d never hurt her beyond the limits they all still respected, it wasn’t something she should assume outside of a club setting.

  The club had a zero tolerance policy for anyone not following the BDSM lifestyle tenet Safe, Sane, and Consensual, but Meri couldn’t be sure those same rules still applied here. At Prairie Winds, any applicant who wasn’t completely on board with that policy was denied membership; it was just that simple. But the truth of it was the vetting process for prospective members was so stringent and thorough, it was rarely an issue. During the months he and Ash had been working there, they’d only seen dungeon monitors step into a scene a few times, and each of those had been at the Dom’s request. It wasn’t unusual when a Dom was new or topping a sub they didn’t know well, to ask a more experienced Top for suggestions—or at least it wasn’t unusual for the smart ones to ask for guidance.

  Dex turned in his seat so Meri would be able to see him clearly. It was important she understood that no matter what the outcome of their discussion, she would always be safe in their care. “We are on a small acreage of private property not far from the club. It’s quiet here and we won’t have to worry about being overheard.” He saw a small flash of something too close to fear flash in her eyes and he realized she’d misunderstood what he’d been trying to say. “What I was trying to say, sweetness, was that we would all be able to speak freely without being concerned about being overheard. If we’d met in a coffee shop as you’d suggested earlier, we wouldn’t have been about to speak as openly as we can here.” He paused to study her expression, wanting to avoid any further miscommunication. “You know you are safe with us, right?”

  Ash’s face turned sharply toward him and his eyebrows furrowed as he considered Meri might actually be worried about her safety. If there was one thing Dex knew about his friend, it was that despite the fact Ash considered himself a sadist, he would never intentionally harm a woman in a way they hadn’t all agreed to before starting a scene. Ash was meticulous about the well-being of all submissives and had always been practically obsessive when it came to Meri. Hell, Dex had often accused Ash of negotiating scenes to death because he’d scripted scenes so tight there hadn’t been any spontaneity left at all, and the result had often been scenes that were as flat as yesterday’s open beer.

  Dex could see Ash was barely breathing as he waited for Meri to answer. When she finally nodded her head, they both let out the breaths they’d been holding. “I’m glad you asked where we are, sweetheart. Your safety is always going to be our first concern and it should be yours as well. We’ll never punish you for asking questions related to your safety—but we’ll reserve the right to punish you anytime you don’t take care of yourself.” Even in the fading sunlight, Dex could see her muscles relax ever so slightly at the familiar words. Any Dom worth his salt insisted any submissive in his or her care was to take their safety seriously. Dex opened the door and reached for Meri’s hand, “Come. We need to talk, but we want to show you something first.”

  Standing at the edge of the rock wall edging the river, Dex heard Meri’s sharp intake of breath as she looked out over the vista below. They weren’t particularly high, but the wide-open view was spectacular. From where he’d parked, she wouldn’t have been able to see any of the spectacular features of the property, so they’d moved quickly into a position to see the setting sun paint the sky with shades of pink and orange that were quickly fading into deeper shades as they shifted to violet.
Mother Nature was showing off this evening and it was breathtaking.

  Dex saw Meri’s eyes widen when she looked around, he had expected her to appreciate the view, but he hadn’t expected her to look up at him with tears in her eyes. “It’s amazing. I never take time to enjoy things like this anymore and I should.” She must have seen his confusion because she pointed to the mansion on the next hilltop, “That’s where I live. Well, specifically I live in the west wing, my parents live in the east wing. This view is available to me every night from the balcony off my bedroom, but I don’t take the time to enjoy it.”

  Dex watched as Ash stepped up behind Meri and wrapped his arms around her, “And you think by not enjoying it, you’re being wasteful.” It hadn’t been a question, but Dex had seen her nod anyway. Typically, Dex was the one who comforted the subs in their care while Ash pushed them, but there was something special about Merilee Lanham, and it warmed his heart to see a softer side of Ash emerging.

  While Ash held Meri, Dex looked at the enormous home belonging to Meri’s family. What they hadn’t yet told her was the two of them had purchased this land a few months earlier. They were in the process of designing a “green” home and hoped to break ground on the project sometime in the next year. They’d wondered about the owners of the sprawling mansion because they would eventually become their nearest neighbors, and now that he knew—he wasn’t sure if he was relieved or worried.

  Dex was glad neither Meri nor Ash seemed as keyed up as they had been earlier. He watched her slip off the four-inch heels she’d been wearing and lean back stretching out the muscles of her neck and back. They all sat dangling their legs over the edge of the sheer rock face that dropped to the river below. For just a few moments Dex felt as if they were all teens enjoying a night at Lookout Point back home. Sadly, his and Ash’s years as Navy SEALs had changed them. They were no longer the idealistic young men who had started Basic together, so sure they could change the world. They’d both become jaded in a lot of ways over the years. Dex hadn’t realized how much he’d changed until he’d returned home one Christmas. He’d been leaning against the back wall of his parents’ large living room watching the chaos when his sister, Lizzy, stepped up to him and smiled warmly. He’d instinctively shaken the hand she’d extended but he’d been completely confused when she’d introduced herself.

  When he’d asked, “What’s this about, Lizzy? You know exactly who I am.”

  “No, I don’t think I do. You look like my little brother, but when I look into your eyes, I don’t see him.” He’d been too stunned to respond. She’d looked at him cautiously, but had finally added, “If you see him, would you please tell him that I love him…we all do. And that we miss him very much and that we hope he’ll find his way back to us soon.”

  Dex still remembered feeling as if he’d been sucker punched. It had been a life-changing moment and he’d wondered for just a few seconds if he’d been hit by lightning standing right in the middle of his parents’ home. Elizabeth was seven years older than Dex and she’d always considered herself his second mother, so he wasn’t surprised she was taking him to task. What tore at his heart was the absolute truth of her words. From then on, Dex had made a sincere effort to conceal the way his career was changing him—at least he’d tried to hide the worst of it from his family.

  Oddly enough, the more he’d consciously set aside the turbulence he felt in his soul, the calmer he’d actually become. He and several other teammates had been discussing the efforts they had to make to hide the atrocities of war from their loved ones one night after returning from a particularly difficult mission. The whiskey had loosened them up enough they’d actually broached an emotional topic for a change. One of the men’s wives had quietly said, “Created reality.” When he’d questioned her, she had gone on to explain how we choose our reality by allowing or disallowing certain thoughts to occupy our minds.

  Dex had stared at her as the absolute truth of her words hit him like a Mack truck. She’d just smiled shyly and said, “You hold all the power you know…you can let all the horrible things you see taint your future or you can learn from them…it’s always your choice.” He’d been stunned by the simplicity of her words and the fact two different women had sensed how emotionally adrift he’d been was more than a little humbling.

  Looking at Meri—her eyes so filled with wonder and appreciation of the beauty surrounding her, Dex couldn’t help feel she held his heart in her hand already, but neither of them had been notified yet. Oh brother, you really have fucking lost it and if Ash gets wind you’ve detoured into the deep end of the romance pool, there will be no living with him. Dex finally broke the silence by saying, “Tell us why you didn’t tell us who you are.” He knew his comment lacked any sort of finesse, but the words had tumbled out before he’d had the chance to polish them.

  Chapter Five

  Meri heard several different underlying emotions in Dex’s demand for an explanation, but the one that surprised her the most was hurt. It had never occurred to her that he and Ash might be offended by her duplicity. It wasn’t as if she had intentionally kept the information from them, and in truth, they likely knew they shared more than a little bit of the responsibility. They hadn’t been interested enough to ask questions, so why was he offended? Well, I didn’t grow up in Texas without learning a thing or two about game-day strategy and every Cowboy's fan knows that sometimes the best defense is a good offense. She took a deep breath and looked out over the darkening sky, “Well, if you will think back, I’m sure you’ll realize you rarely expressed much interest in idle chit-chat. And I’m not sure exactly when I would have worked the details of my financial portfolio into the time we’ve spent together.”

  She hadn’t intended to sound quite so snippy, and the sudden tension in the air told her it was time to tone it down a little. “I used my first and middle names on my club membership to fly under the radar as much as possible. I’m sure you can see why that was important. And I’ve used it before for travel because I don’t always take personal protection with me and security is sometimes an issue.” And wasn’t that an enormous understatement at the moment. She had purposely tried to keep her reference to security challenges vague, but in her peripheral vision Meri had seen both men swivel their faces to her.

  “Excuse me?” Oh brother. Ash’s voice had sounded almost menacing and suddenly Meri was grateful for the encroaching darkness. “You wanna run that by us again, pet? Because that sounded a lot like you’ve had some security issues and I don’t remember hearing them mentioned either. You really do seem to be racking up punishments at an astonishing rate.”

  Dex leaned closer and asked, “Have you mentioned this to anyone? Anyone at all? Because I have to tell you, I have a bad feeling about this. That little pissant reporter was fed information by someone and you need to take any security issues you’re having very seriously. Just because your foundation does good work doesn’t mean you won’t make enemies along the way.” And isn’t that a fact? Damn, this conversation is sliding downhill fast.

  “Listen, I’m not discounting my safety, but I’m not going to get bogged-down with paranoia either. If I let every threatening email and security breach at the mansion get to me, I’d have become a recluse years ago.” Instead of easing their tension, her words seemed to have ratcheted it up even further. “I had planned to talk to Micah and Jax, but I haven’t had a chance to speak with them yet.” When she heard Ash growl, Meri shook her head and sighed. Obviously he was remembering they had all been together just a few days ago. Sighing, she added, “Yes, I know we were all at the gazebo recently, but I didn’t want to bring it up in front of everyone.”

  This time Dex was the one who seemed incredulous, “By everyone, I’m assuming you mean the two of us?” Oh brother, talk about a no-win question. If I answer honestly, they’ll misunderstand. And if I lie, they’ll know.

  Meri took another deep breath and looked up at the stars as if they might suddenly decide to shower her wi
th a brilliant answer. “It wasn’t that I didn’t want you to know—precisely. It was more that I didn’t want you to feel obligated to help. And whether or not you are willing to admit it, it is exactly what would have happened.” Hell’s bells and seashells, that’s exactly what’s happening now. And if they will just step back for a minute they’ll know it, too. She might not have been looking directly at them in the bright light of day, but the energy vibrating around them was screaming overprotection. Meri wondered if all Doms were like this or just the ones in her circle of friends. Maybe it was those who were former military or former Special Forces who were also Doms, although she suspected that was a chicken and egg argument as well since every member of any branch of the Special Forces Meri had ever met, seemed to be a Dom. Sighing, she finally decided it was a question for Dan.

  Only a few people knew how close she and Dr. Dan Deal really were. And even fewer knew their family connection. Dan’s mother and Meri’s mom were sisters, and when her aunt and uncle were killed by a drunk driver just after Dan started high school, the Lanhams immediately moved the young man into their home. Meri hadn’t even started junior high school yet, but she and her older cousin bonded quickly. He’d been her protector and best pal until he’d moved to college four years later.

  Meri wished her sweet cousin would find a woman who deserved his affection. He was one of the nicest men she knew and even though he was a sexual Dominant, he didn’t seem the type of Dom who would want to control every aspect of his sub’s life. It wasn’t that he couldn’t be overly protective at times, because he’d certainly had taken her to task for some of the poor choices she’d made while in college. He’d always reserved his lectures for the mistakes he’d seen as dumb rather than dangerous. Dan had always encouraged her to push beyond what she thought she could do academically and professionally. She had often wished she had a dollar for every time he’d reminded her “the worst you can do is fail.”